New evidence has arisen that the myths and legends of yore may be more than stories, and the powers of the land are moving to secure the ancient treasures. Meanwhile, lesser agents are in motion as well, seeking their own gain, for the powers attributed in the stories can make individuals the equal of armies...

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Session: At the Forge of Earth - Friday, Feb 15 2019 from 6:00 PM to 10:30 PM
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Tags: NPC death
Trust
"Have they become paranoid or do Sir Simon and Doraz not trust me? I feel like I should be more concerned about this."
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Hubris
I feel like I just failed some test, though I'm not sure what it was testing.

I feel like I maybe leave too much to be solved with magic, yet when one has such a formidable tool, not using it seems like a waste. If I have learned anything though about it's use is that the use must be tempered with knowledge and wisdom, I should have examined the situation clearer before diving in.

I feel crippled in this low mana area, it wears on me like a constant weight, like my hands are tied, everything feels more difficult and we have been so reliant upon my spells this whole journey, the pressure feels relentless at times. Maybe it is getting to me, making me too hasty in my decisions.

I should have talked more with the sword, if nothing else.
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Despair
With Bard Randal's confirmation and being unable to do my own for several months still most likely, it seems I must face that my past: where I lived almost all my life, my friends, my mentors, are all gone now with the destruction of the Collegium. I guess there is few things more symbolic of the change from boy to adult than the complete physical destruction of ones past.

So here I am, in a land I don't know or even speak the language of, with both known and unknown dangers lurking all around, having to debate between possible lesser evils, racing against time with the possible fate of the world in the balance and with companions I am uncertain what I can trust with when the stakes are so high.

I'm also wondering now, even if I abandoned this all to go hide somewhere, have I marked myself for death by the allies of this great evil for spreading knowledge of them?

I should do something... for those at home, all those lost... I just don't know what anymore...
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Failure
I haven't felt myself the past several days, though why I am not certain. I am thinking perhaps it was an accumulation of things, one blow after another, so to speak.

First, I feel like I failed at the Irik site, like there was a puzzle there and I was unable to decipher it. I don't know what I was expecting, something to read perhaps? I think my mind is so clouded with how to find the clues it had little left over to put those clues together, too much feels left on my shoulders to handle. I have the sinking feeling that the Templars will go with their team and look at it with new eyes and figure it out simply.

The Templars are another thing weighing on me heavily. The idea that they found not only a Narzil but what sounds to be a location of great archaeological value in the location I first wanted to go upsets me greatly. That they shipped up off on some wild goose chase to find some foreign land feels even more like a deliberate distraction. Their showing up and taking over the search like they now have, well, why bother? They don't need us. I feel as if I should just give them my notes and go back to Sudansnest and stop bothering. I wanted to make a great academic study of the Narzil, as a tribute to those who died if nothing else, but I have no resources compared to what is now arrayed against me in the form of the Templars. I distrust them and every interaction makes that distrust grow, combined with Sir Blackthorne's obedience makes it harder to trust him as well.

Also, this quest isn't academic anymore either, if it's true Shadalar is gone. Until two years ago it is the only place I knew and to think it destroyed seems impossible. Maybe I'm just in denial of it, but the idea of a city being destroyed just seems to alien to me it is hard to grasp as a concept. Maybe losing so many before that and feeling so distant from home now is just helping me deal with the horror of the thing.

For the first time I truly I feel I'm too young and inexperienced to handle this situation. I feel like bad decisions are being made yet feel it inappropriate to speak against them, I'm not sure I know what better ones would be anyway. Perhaps I have simply lost faith at this point, in my companions, our mission, even myself. Perhaps it is best to just leave it to the Templars and get out of the way.

Maybe I'm not really ready to be a journeyman and should go back to apprenticing for a year or two...
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Homebrew (4th)
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