Just a quiet dinner
Umberto, I have been putting this off for quite some time, but I guess it is time to introduce you to my parents. They have invited me over for dinner, and suggested I bring a "friend." I know they want me to bring their merchant friends daughter, but instead I thought you might like to accompany me. Now I have to warn you, my parents have never traveled outside of Lankhmar. They are simple folk who have never wanted to travel or undertake an adventure. Deep down they are good people, but they can be a bit obtuse at times.

Umberto of course agrees happily. "Flossin, I would be honored to meet your family. I am sure your parents are lovely people." When we open the door, my mother's face brightens when she sees me. Umberto steps out from behind me, and the smile on her face becomes fixed.

"Mother, I would like to introduce you to my business partner and friend, Umberto." She nods politely and tries to recover herself. She ushers us in to the house and turns to Umberto. Speaking in a slow, loud voice, she half shouts "I...MADE...CHICKEN...AND...PO-TAY-TOES...DO...YOU...KNOW...PO-TAY-TOES?" Umberto smiles his most ingratiating smile while inside I am cringing. "Of course, madam, potatoes are one of my favorite foods from this area. In fact, our store has over 5 varieties of potatoes to choose from should you be interested in growing some." My mother is taken aback by his fluent and eloquent language.

At the dinner table, Dad decides to jump into the conversation. He spends 15 minutes talking about his shop. He starts by trying to explain what shoes are. Umberto nods happily, apparently paying rapt attention, even though I find the interaction horribly condescending. Thankfully, Umberto has mountains of patience, and tolerates explaining that indeed in Kletch they do have things like shoes, houses, roofs, and streets. Gerry give me strength. As dinner winds down, I hope that meeting Umberto gives my family a bit of perspective and changes some of their feelings about other cultures.

As Umberto and I leave, he invites my family to his house next time for dinner. He tells my parents that his sisters make the best Kletchian delicacies, Roasted tarantula over boiled cassava, citrus ants and rice, and caramelized sparrow tongues. My parents both turn pale and give non-committal responses. It is all I can do to not roll on the floor with laughter. As we are walking down the street back to the shop I turn to Umberto "Roasted tarantula? Where do you come up with this?" Umberto laughs loudly, "I thought they would be disappointed to know that Chicken, rice, are the primary dishes of Kletch."
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Tags: Flossin
Epic × 2!

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Ha. Love it!