Adding some personal thoughts in the small hours before everyone wakes. I just had a dream.
That in itself is extremely odd, as I don't sleep. In fact since I don't fully understand the mechanisms that give rise to my consciousness or what might trigger a return to what I believe are periodic dormant stretches that may span decades or ages, I avoid any semblance of slumber. I admit I fear returning to the darkness. I've grown attached to this new world, and to the people closest to me. I don't want to lose them.
I sometimes dream, I have no other word for it, when I find myself lost in reverie. Usually it is some dim memory of my past, but this felt different. I lose touch with the world around me and sink into a state that is not aware of my surroundings. Perhaps it is like sleep, or perhaps it is one step closer to another long dormant period. I don't know.
In the dream I was injured and lying on my deathbed. Attendants in robes changed the dressing on a fearsome wound in my gut, pressed me to drink strange tasting elixirs and wiped fever sweat from my face. I was weak and my mind was clouded. Sometimes a blurred figure of a man I felt I should know held my hand and I could hear him weeping for me.
I do not understand this vision. It could not be memory. Was I not created from clay and stone? How could I be injured, not broken or damaged, but wounded like a mortal? Who would cry over me?
I had been thinking that night about something the team asked me. Do I know if I have a soul? I think they were wondering about the effects of the trench, and whether my immunity to the affected area and assumed lack of a soul might be a clue to the origin of the incident. I admit I felt defensive in answering. Do I have a soul? I have never assumed that I had one, and certainly haven't missed it.
Still, what would it be like to have a soul? Would I feel any different? Perhaps my dream was just wishful thinking... that I might be human and die one day, and someone would mourn my passing.
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Posted on October 26, 2015 09:04